Violence Inventory

Violence is pervasive in American culture.  Violence can become so much a part of the “landscape” of our lives that we accept it and live with it without questioning it.  But to live as faithful followers of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, we are called to throw off all that would diminish the image of God in each person.  The following reflections and list of questions are meant to be a beginning point for discussion and evaluation for parents and families in seeking to explore how we might live more faithfully in Christ.  It is by no means exhaustive, but truly a beginning point.  God bless you in this holy endeavor!

Language – Often, we don’t think about the words we use, or we think our words are harmless and neutral.  It is so easy to say, “I am so mad at him, I could shoot him!”  A child was recently quoted as saying, “I didn’t mean to hurt him; I just meant to kill him.”  I think I know what that child was trying to say, but because violence is so much a part of our culture, we lose the significance and power of our language.  In James 3, we read:   “With (the tongue) we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God.  From the same mouth come blessing and cursing.  My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so.   Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water?  Can a fig tree, my bothers and sisters, yield olives, or a grapevine figs?  No more can salt water yield fresh.” 

   Questions: 

• How do your own words bless others?  curse others?
• Pay attention to the words that come out of your mouth.  Do you catch yourself saying, “I’m so mad at her I could kill her” or “They ought to be lined up and shot!” or “Why in the world did you do that?  I could wring your neck!”
• Pay attention to the words that come out of your children’s mouths (or if you are a teacher, your students’ mouths).  When you hear words that are violent, take seriously your role as a parent (teacher) and say something like, “You can be angry with someone, but you may not talk about killing/shooting them.”  When your children/students are not angry, try to have fun thinking up light-hearted alternatives, such as “I was so mad at him I could spit!” or “My blood was boiling!”

Television – Who could have comprehended 50 years ago the impact and influence of television on our culture, both for good and for ill?  TV has altered much of American culture, from entertainment to sports, from patterns of family life to childhood obesity.  TV offers much that is good and uplifting, yet there are a number of reasons that watching 8 hours of television per day (the average per American family) is not healthy, with the pervasive level of violence being one of the primary reasons.  Primetime broadcasting contains so much violence that it is very challenging to watch anything at all in the evenings and not be exposed to persistent images of violence. 

The Parents Television Council calls the level of violence on TV “shockingly graphic and offensively gratuitous and it is being pumped directly into every home in the nation on a daily basis.” They continue: “the scientific community has repeatedly stated its consensus opinion that such material poses a grave risk, particularly to children.”

Questions: 

• What is an appropriate amount of TV viewing per day in your household?  Do you have limits on how much television your children watch?
• What types of programs do you allow your children to watch?  Try asking before each program:  is there some redeeming value to this show?  What is my child learning from this show?  Rather than asking “Why not watch this?” ask instead “What else could we be doing as a family that would be healthy and wholesome and build strong relationships with each other?”  Consider how reducing TV viewing on weeknights when family time is often limited might contribute to more connection and interaction as a family. The Parents Television Council offers a guide on its website (www.parentstv.org) that lists whether a show is family-friendly, unsuitable for children, or in between.  Not that violence is really suitable for adults, but you get the point: children are especially impressionable.  See also (www.theTVboss.org) for guidance on healthy oversight of TV viewing.
• Examine your own level of exposure to TV violence.  Even if you watch a show only when no children are around to see it, ask yourself whether it’s really good for you either.
• Consider a challenge:  Turn off your TV for a week and see the difference it makes in your home. (See www.turnoffthetvweek.com for more ideas and info.)  Are “The Sopranos” really worth watching?  Take a hard look at the some of the negative roles TV plays in your family: entertainer, baby sitter, pacifier, etc.  Do you really want to hand over that much power and influence on your family culture and the healthy development of your children?

Internet—Unimaginable even twenty years ago, the Internet also has impacted our society for great good as well as for ill.  Along with exciting access to information and instant global communication, all manner of violence and filth is readily available as well.  There are filters available that block access to pornographic and violent sites.  According to our Eastminster tech person,  “Three products dominate the market – NetNanny, CyberSitter and CyberPatrol – generally ranked in that order. No system is foolproof and all cost the same – around $40.00” per year for the subscription license.

Suffice it to say that while there is much to be concerned about, there are many good and wholesome websites for children.  One such site for young children is www.webkinz.

     Questions:

• Are you intentional about staying aware of what your children are doing on the computer?  Have you talked with your children about basic guidelines for Internet access?  Do you have a filter for your computer? 
• Have you talked with your teenagers about the dangers of online predators?  Have you talked with them about what to do about online threats, and how serious an offense it is to make a threat online? 

Electronic Games – A huge number of electronic games use violence as the setting and purpose of the game; it seems that the rule of thumb is “the more violence, the better.”  Most video and computer games have been rated, with “E” for everyone, “T” for teens, and “M” for mature, yet claim your parental responsibility by rating the games for yourself.

Questions: 

• As you decide whether a particular game is appropriate, ask yourself what redeeming value this game has; ask yourself how this game reflects values consistent with Christian living. 
• Inventory the games in your home with the intention of removing those that expose your children to violence.  Educate yourself about which games are absolutely not allowed, whether in your own home or as your children play games at their friends’ homes;  “Grand Theft Auto” and “007” are particularly violent, but there are many others.
• As your children become more independent in their preteen and teenage years, talk with them about the values we seek to hold as God’s people; explain your conviction that violence is not the way that we resolve our differences with other people.  Help them see connections to violent acts by troubled young people, such as the Virginia Tech killings, where a socially isolated and troubled young person uses violent electronic games to channel their rage and hone their skills for killing others. 

(Special Note:  There is mounting evidence that electronic games of any sort are inappropriate developmentally for children under 6, and early elementary aged children are strongly cautioned against using them as well.  Consider making the commitment to delay introducing electronic games to your children as long as possible, preferably until they are in middle school.)

Movies
    Be aware that the P, PG PG-13, and R rating system has a much more sensitive filter for sexual content than for violence.  The level of violence acceptable in PG-13 movies is appalling.  Movies are one of the toughest areas to screen because of the lack of helpful industry guidelines, and because they are so culturally accepted and celebrated. 

Other Games and Toys

Of course, there were violent toys and games even before television and PlayStation, and there are many new forms of violent toys and games as well.  Toy guns, whether they look “real” or not, encourage “play violence”, with shooting people as the object of the game, and Airsoft is only the latest version of toy guns.  Even laser tag has the purpose of “shooting” another person, and Paintball adds a dimension of realism, with the ball of paint “exploding” onto your clothes to show where you were “shot”.  Often, in the absence of toy guns, children will “play fight” by holding sticks as if they were guns; instead of using this fact to justify allowing toy guns in the house, claim your parental responsibility and insist that they not point the “stick guns” at someone’s face.

    Questions: 

• Ask yourself what games and toys you want to allow/encourage in your household.  Inventory what you have, and ponder what your child is learning from this type of play.
• Consider making “gun play” off-limits, as not consistent with Christian values. 
• Consider making your home “toy-gun-free.”
• Consider making your home “real-gun-free”, or if not, make sure guns in the home have safety locks on them and any ammunition is locked safely away. So many times, real guns are things that young children want to just “play with”, with tragic consequences. 
• Brainstorm alternative activities that kids will love and that will foster values of cooperation and community (such as playing tennis, riding bikes, swimming, card games, rock climbing at a place like Rocks and Ropes, going whitewater rafting, going camping or fishing or hiking, etc.) 

Another way to explore the larger question is to ask ourselves, “What values do we seek to nurture in ourselves and in our children?  Is it courage, compassion, integrity, honesty, fidelity, dedication, generosity?  Do the ways we relate as a family, and the entertainment we choose, support those values? Now as you evaluate TV, Internet, movies, and electronic games, what are the underlying values that are most frequently communicated?  Is it not extreme individualism that trumps respect for the larger community, immediate gratification that devalues sacrifice, and moral relativism that says “if it works for me, it works?” If integrity and compassion are the values you feel called to model and nurture in your children, then ask yourself how you can be intentional about living into those values. 
 
We are in no way an authority on this subject, but merely deeply concerned parents and pastors who want to help parents and communities tap into different means of entertainment and enjoyment that values human life.   And maybe, this effort will steer a young person from turning to violence in any form.  It is our hope that this inventory will challenge you to raise questions, probably your own set of questions, that calls you to be intentional about being a faithful parent in a culture that celebrates violence.  God bless you in this holy endeavor! 

Revs. David and Tandy Taylor

We welcome your feedback and insights you have gained!
David
Tandy

Prayer
Creator and Redeemer God, Forgive us for living in accordance with the values of the culture in which we live that celebrates violence and devalues human life.  Allow the culture of our homes and families to be one of peace and respectful living.  In the name of the Prince of Peace, we pray.  Amen. 

Some websites for further information:

Tips for Parents
Parents as Role Models
Violence Continuum Chart